he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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