Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
