My balls are so social today.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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