just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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