My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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