it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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