the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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