Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
