Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
