Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are two peas in an std pod
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
