also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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