so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
