you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
