Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize