I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
