if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
