Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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