The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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