When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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