you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
