We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Green mimosas i think yes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
