Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
