for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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