I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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