everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
