Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I looked at my own cervix.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
