dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
