Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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