a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
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just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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