Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
