Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize