worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
