Ambien. No doubt about it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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