my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
