i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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