I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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