he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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