Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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