It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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