i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
