I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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