its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
