Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
