If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
