Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
