She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
