am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
