you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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