yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
