I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
