You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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