he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
