i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Farmville is her only friend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
