I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
