well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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