Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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