Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
