And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
