If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize