insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My life is pants optional.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize